When Tequila and Vodka Work Together
by Madcap Old Me
Summary: ...Interesting Things Will Happen :p    Drunken Night Out...But With A Twist-Doctor attempts advice :p
1. Good Morning Campers!

**Hey guys :p Am supposed to be doing maths homework-two whole exercises DX kill me now! But decided it would be MUCH more fun to write a story for you guys (and me, of course, but you guys are far more important :p).**

**I don't own Doctor Who or anything related to it-all property of the BBC (lucky so and sos! :[)**

**Sooo here goes...**

**(PS. all reviews appreciated)**

The Doctor groaned and rolled over, he winced as his head seemed to explode and pain washed through his body. 'I just KNEW tequila shots weren't a good idea' he muttered. He had just clambered out of bed and started searching for his clothes (which had strangely managed to scatter themselves in a most unattractive manner all over the floor) when he noticed something rather worrying. There was a flame red bra nestled on top of his shirt. The Doctor stared at it for a few minutes and then spun around as a voice came from the bed. A voice with a scottish accent. 'My HEAD, did no one THINK to stop me from drinking that last bit of vodka?' It was unmistakably Amy.

_Eh oh, this can't be good...although surely there's a perfectly good explanation as to why Amy Pond (who is indeed married) is lying in my bed while several articles of her clothing are lying next to mine on the floor...a reason that I am unable to think of, actually. Well, I always loved surprises... _

He coughed and managed to fnd his old dressing gown, which he proceeded to pull on. Realizing he was there, Amy sat up and pulled the duvet around her. 'You're not Rory!' She told him. 'Er, no. Last time I checked I was the Doctor...' he stood there watching her cautiously, not entirely sure what to do with himself. 'Yes, but Rory, oh God my HUSBAND Rory, is supposed to be in my bed...NOT YOU!' she glared at him. 'Um, my bed actually, and I do see why this is a bit of a problem...but I really don't know what you expect me to do.' he was trying to be rational now, although every cell in his body was demanding water. 'You can get the hell out of here for starters, and maybe, MAYBE, when I've had a shower, got dressed, had some coffee and some aspirin I will consider talking rationally about this.' the Doctor took this as his cue to leave and half ran out of the room.

The Doctor was sat in the control room, trying to stabilise something or other when Rory wandered in. The Doctor looked up and saw the troubled expression on Rory's face. He didn't say anything, but instead carried on tinkering with the TARDIS controls. After a few minutes and several meaningful sighs on Rory's part had passed, Rory spoke, 'Doctor, I was wondering if we could...talk about...something. Man to...er...man, I mean.' The Doctor could feel Rory watching him nervously, anxious for an answer. He looked up, 'Depends on the topic, Rory.' He smiled and gave Rory an expectant look. 'Yes, well, see, the thing is. Me and Amy are married and all...' He stopped, 'Yes Rory, I gather you are married, but I also gather that ISN'T what you wanted to talk about, as good as you are at stating the obvious, so come on, what is it?' Rory nodded nervously and carried on, 'Well, you've been around a bit, married more than once I reckon, and you know what married coupls are meant to do, what it's meant to be like...what's meant to happen...' he trailed off and looked down at his feet, blushing.

_Oh dear, panic stations, red alert, I do believe he wants to talk about sex, I mean normally that's not a problem, but I think it's quite probable that the last sex I had was last night...with HIS wife, ok, so that's not actually confirmed as a FACT but it seems very likely. So this conversation isn't going to be at all awkward..._

'Yes Rory, see, there's lots of thing married people DO, care to narrow it down a bit?' Rory opened his mouth to speak when in walked Amy. The Doctor dived back to the safety of his controls and Rory smiled at her weakly.


	2. Angst and Amusing Thoughts

**HIII! Haven't been on for a while (I forgot if I'm honest) but I was searching through my e-mails and I saw your lovely reviews and I thought, I'm gonna write some more :D ps. if your confused WELL DUH! it's one chapter, and the DOCTOR'S confused, so that's kinda the idea :p (and ellie, I'm NEVER taking maths A level DX) Sooo, here's chapter 2, written for you when I'm meant to be doing homework...Spanish this time :].)**

'Morning Amy...how's your head?' Rory mumbled, marital duty taking over from the feeling that he was about to receive a verbal onslaught. 'Don't talk to me. Don't ANYONE talk to me. Especially not YOU.' she spat at him, turned on her heel and stomped off.

_Ah. Well, someone obviously is NOT in a good mood...very dangerous territory, potential injuries and/or emotional attack to be gained from attempting to engage in conversation with said human. Basically, talk to Amy and die._

Rory sighed. 'What have I done now, I haven't done anything, I only said good morning...Doctor?' Rory looked at him, he seemed to think that he knew all the answers, he rolled his eyes, 'I'll go and talk to her.' Rory grinned, 'Thanks Doctor-I owe you!'

_Hmm, I think I may have gotten what I was owed in advance last night...well, better go and talk to Amy. If I don't make it out alive, tell my non-existent family that I love them..._

The Doctor knocked on the door, and waited tensely for permission to come in. 'Go away Rory, I don't want to talk to you.' came the angry reply from behind the door. 'It's, er, not Rory. It's the Doctor...' ...silence. 'Can I come in?' ...more silence. 'Amy, please. I really think we should talk. If your head is anything like mine this morning, then you probably can't tell your left from your right, let alone remember what happened last night.'

_Talking rationally...nice one...might just work._

'Fine...if you really have to then come in.' the Doctor heard the door unlock and he smiled. Finally, some progress.


	3. Rational Thoughts and Reconciliations

**I am inspired (kinda). Last chapter was a bit of a filler, really, I needed links and stuff...just bear with it and we'll all see what happens (I don't know myself yet). Please review :D xxx**

The Doctor entered the room, Amy had curled back up in her bed, he smiled, she looked adorable cuddled up in her duvet like that, with her red hair contrasting so beautifully with the white bed sheets...he shook his head, where had that thought come from? He's the Doctor, he doesn't think things like that. He stood by the doorway, watching her carefully. Finally, he managed to find some words, 'Amy, I'm not too sure about what happened last night, but I just want you to know, that whatever happened, I will accept full respsonsibility for it, and Rory never needs to know...if that's what you want?'

_Except that's not what I want...what I want, yes, what I want is for us to leave Rory in a Black Hole or on another planet. Somwhere where he can't bother me with his akward questions and rub his stupid marriage in my face...good grief. That's anothr weird thought-I'm a pacifist for Christ's sake!_

The mound of duvet that was Amy stirred slightly, and a face appeared, peering at him over the top of the duvet. 'I don't know what happened either. But I feel bad. And I don't like feeling bad.' she told him. 'Well, of course you feel bad-you have a husband, you're MARRIED, and even if nothing happened, we were still in the same bed, so of course you feel guilty. It's perfectly ok.' He tried to reassure her, unsure as to why he felt this sudden need to make her feel good. 'But that's not why I feel bad. I feel bad because I don't feel guilty. I know I should but I don't...and if somethin DID happen then I still don't feel bad.' Her eyes watered and two fat tears rolled down her cheeks. 'I'm a horrible person' she started to cry properly, the Doctor stayed where he was, unsure of what to do, how to act. It was only when Amy started to cry great gasping sobs that he went over and sat on the bed, she leaned her head on his chest, seeking comfort.

_Eh oh. More risky ground, why did I go over and comfort her? Why does her crying hurt me like this? Why do I want to stop her crying so badly? Why do I want to...why do I want to...KISS her?_

He put her arms around her, unable to stand her crying, 'Shhh, Amy, You aren't a bad person. You can't help how you feel...no one can.' He stroked her hair and she looked up at him. 'I was horrible to you this morning...sorry.' she smiled awkwardly at him. He swallowed hard, that smile seemed to make all the confusion and awkwardness of the morning melt away, he put a hand on her cheek, and stroked it gently. She studied his face, curious, wondering what he was doing. Suddenly he couldn't help himself, his impulses overpowered his mind. He leaned in and kissed her gently. At first she resisted slightly, seemingly guilty about her husband, but after a few seconds she kissed him back. And just as the Doctor thought that everything was going to be ok, the door opened and Rory walked in. 'Hey, are you two still argui...' he stopped when he saw them kissing. 'Oh.'


	4. Calamity and Calm

**Thanks you sooooo much for all the reviews :))) im so glad you like it :p ok, so im afraid rory will be sticking around for a while longer...but after that? who knows... (me of course, but im not gonna tell you :P...yet :/) so here's chapter four... ps. pleeease review :)xxx**

Amy pulled back quickly, 'Rory, it's not...it's not what it looks like?' she started to explain, but Rory interupted, 'What else could it be?' he shook his head, 'I should of known. You and him.' He snorted, 'Admit it Amy, you've always fancied him, everyone can tell.' Rory was unsuccessfully trying to mask the pain he was feeling. 'Rory, please. There is no me and him, I was...and he...' she started to explain again, 'Save it Amy. We both know there's no you and him because he said so.' The Doctor was sat on the bed, feeling more uncomfortable by the minute. 'RORY! Don't you see? I can't even talk to you-YOU NEVER LISTEN!' the argument was starting to get heated now. 'YEAH? WELL MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE YOU NEVER SAY ANYTHING WORTH LISTENING TO!' Amy gasped, her eyes narrowed, 'Don't you DARE think you can say things like that to me and get away with it. Carry on like that, and you'll be sorry I ever remembered you!' she hissed. 'SHUT THE HELL UP, THE PAIR OF YOU!' the Doctor got up and started pacing around the room, after deciding to finally intervine. 'This, is my TARDIS, and I decide what happens here, and that means that what I say goes. And I want you to stop shouting. Mainly because the pain in my head is almost unbearable and you two certainly aren't helping.' he said, more quietly now. 'Rory, Amy. Sit down, I think it's time we all had a little chat...'


	5. Girly Strops and Numerous Grins

**hehe, well, this is where it all comes out (or starts to) the doctor has to face up to a lot, and what happens when amy finds out about...ROSE? wait and see :p **

**review again, please, thats what keeps me writing :) xxx**

Amy rolled her eyes, 'What now? Why does everything have to be so serious around here?' she seemed almost bored now the immediate drama was over. The Doctor just gave her a look, 'My TARDIS, my rules. Now sit down-BOTH of you.' Amy and Rory sighed but they sat down.

_Well, I suppose I always knew we'd have to have this conversation, but I didn't quite envisage it happening in these circumstances..._

'As you know, I am incredibly...' he started talking, but Amy butted in, 'Old? Yeah, yeah, we know. Now what was it you wanted to say Grandpa?' she grinned cheekily at him, the Doctor just shook his head. 'Well, I suppose. But what I wanted to talk to you about is my past. Where all this started.' Rory stood up,' I really couldn't care less, if you don't mind, I have better things to do with my time.' he walked out. 'Well, I guess it's just you and me then.' he said, watchingas Rory stalked off. 'That sound rather suggestive for a Grandpa.' Amy stuck her tongue out, the Doctor shook his head. 'Amy, seriously. Before, there was another girl. She waited too. The only thing is, Amy, she's still waiting. Her name, was Rose, and she was magnificent.'


	6. Past and Pathetic Protests

**HELLO AGAIN! :D I realise that it has been a while, my laptop went BOOM...big problem...specialist person...months of no technology :o But now I'm back :) and I thought I'd right this for you while doing...you guessed it-HOMEWORK :P Tech tonight :/ **

**Well anyway, enjoy, review, thanks for sticking with me and all that :] Also, if you're confused I really can't help that, this is how I imagine the Doctor to talk and stuff in my head...and my head is a confusing place ;P**

**So, without further ado, your next installment:**

'M...Magnificent?' Amy wrinkled her forehead and looked at the doctor in confusion, 'What do you mean?'

_What to say now...got to be nice...explain feelings...basically do the complete opposite of what you're used to...well here goes nothing..._

The Doctor looked up at her and sighed, 'I mean she was amazing, clever, beautiful...funny. She travelled with me for a long, long time. We did so much together, until...'

Amy cut him off, 'So you loved her?'

He nodded, 'Yes, I loved her. But I'm never going to see her again, unless I'm willing to time travel. But I have a feeling that would cause more problems than it solved.'

'But...don't you want...I don't know, closure?' Amy looked up at him questioningly.

'Of course I do, but she's happy. I think. Jack said she was just fine...so I really don't think there's much point...in me...interfering...' He trailed off, trying to convince himself as well as Amy.

'You know Doctor, you really are pathetic sometimes, did you know that?' she rolled her eyes and then muttered something under her breath, 'No idea why I fancy you...at all.'

The Doctor looked startled, 'Wait, what? What did you just say?'

Amy sighed, 'Look, never mind about all that. You and I have places to go people to see, one person in particular to be precise...'

'Wait, not Rose, but...?' The Doctor started to protest, but quickly realised that there was no point, he would never win. 'Ok, Rose. Let's all go and visit Rose.'


	7. Bruises and Back Street Alleys

**Ok, not so sure where this is going, but I'm sure it's going somewhere :P I realise it's a bit slow right now, but I'm pretty sure it'll pick up, so bear with :)**

**Thanks for reviews, etc. :P**

The T.A.R.D.I.S came to a rather undignified stop as it materialised in a small back alley near a London estate. Inside it's passengers, while in one piece, were rather dishevelled.

'I thought you knew how to fly this thing!' Amy groaned and clutched her hip where she was pretty sure there was a bruise forming as she spoke.'

'So did I...ah well, what's the fun in a controlled, safe journey anyway?' The Doctor grinned to her as he dashed toward the door of the T.A.R.D.I.S, he stuck his head outside and laughed that laugh he has for when he's pleased with himself, 'Yup, this is this place, and if I'm about right...which of course I am, then...' He paused and looked at something that resembled a watch on his wrist, 'Just as I though, my 9th self should be around here somewhere...well this could be fun, come along Pond!' He strolled out of the spaceship and waited for Amy to catch up with him.

'Your 9th self? How many are there of you?' She asked, looking at him skeptically.

'Well, technically only one. But one of my previous regenerations is around here somewhere, so I suppose you could say two...' The Doctor shook his head, 'Well anyway, it's not important. Now if I remeber rightly, I should be heading down this road in exactly...5 minutes.' He smiled and starting walking in the opposite direction to the T.A.R.D.I.S, Amy followed him, grumbling and moaning all the while.


	8. Past Selves and Promises

**Ok, once again, BACK :P Sorry I keep disappearing in this most annoying manner, but I have to wait until I'm inspired or writing this is completely pointless :) **

**Well, I'm not doing this in the time I'm supposed to be doing my homework (for once) I just have some ideas and stuff, so enjoy, review, thanks again, and here's the next chapter :)**

The Doctor charged off at top speed in the direction of a large shopping centre, Amy sighed and chased after him, miraculously forgetting the pain in her hip. The Doctor seemed to have a complete disregard for road safety and hurtled across a busy main road at what appeared to be rush hour, bringing cars to an unwilling halt and leaving a trial of beeping horns, squealing tyres and angry drivers as he went. Amy shook her head and followed his path of distruction, figuring that if she waited for the red light she would probably lose the Doctor and be totally lost in a random new place. Also it seemed pretty pointless waiting when pretty much all the cars were stopped anyway. She caught up with the Doctor on the other side of the road. He was stood in the doorway of the shopping centre, staring straight ahead. 'Those doors are going to close on you in a minute.' Amy warned him, he looked puzzled, like he hardly heard what she had just said, 'The doors, they're automatic, so they'll probably close on you in a minute...' she looked at him, he shook his head, 'Oh yes, er, of course, I'd better move...' he stepped forwards, still looking straight ahead. 'Everything ok?' Amy could tell that there was something bothering him. 'What, yes, fine, I'm fine Pond, really.' he smiled in a pathetic attempt to convince her that he was ok, 'I can tell that there's something bothering you. Come on, just tell me.' she looked at him in a way that she hoped was approachable. 'It's nothing, it's just a bit weird, I mean I'm about to see my past self...not to mention Rose.' Amy felt a pang of jealousy, the way he said that name, he never said her name like that, not ever...'Yeah I guess that could be a little weird...what are you actually planning to do?' she tried to be nonchalant, pretend that she didn't hear the tone of his voice or see the look in his eyes when he talked about Rose. 'I don't know yet, probably help with the Autons, have a chat, compare ships, companions, adventures...I'll probably want to go and see my 10th regeneration as well, say hello to Martha, Donna and possibly Jack-you'll like him, say a proper goodbye to Rose...' Amy looked at him, 'Didn't you get to say a proper goodbye before?' He swallowed hard, 'No, I, er, no, I didn't.' Amy could tell that pursuing the matter further would not be a good idea, so she left it, curious as she was.

Suddenly the Doctor took off again, Amy followed him. They chased down corridors until they came to what looked like a storage area. Inside they could hear people running, suddenly out of the lift shot two people. One was tall and skin-headed, the other was short with blonde hair. The Doctor grinned, 'Hello there!' the tall man stopped dead and looked at him, 'What the hell are you doing here? The store's closed you know.' The Doctor grinned, 'I almost feel as though you should recognise me, but then again why should you, it's not like you're every going to meet me, so to speak.' the tall man was growing impatient, 'Look, just tell me who you are.' The Doctor let out a slight giggle, 'Ah Pond, this should be amusing. I am the Doctor.' the tall man looked confused, 'But I'm the Doctor...' The Doctor nodded, 'Yes but so am I.' the tall man shook his head, 'But you can't be, I'm the only Doctor!' Next to him the blonde haired girl, probably Rose was getting agitated, 'Errm...' She tried and failed to get the tall man's attention. 'Yes you are the only Doctor, but I am too, and that's because I'm you...' the tall man shook his head, 'Well I never...so you're me? As in a future regeneration?' The Doctor nodded, 'That's right, and Rose, been a while since I've seen you! This is Amelia Pond by the way.' Rose looked at him, 'How do you know me...?' The Doctor smiled, 'Well you and I are going to know each other a lot better over the years, or you and him, if you prefer. Although you'll know my 10th regeneration best, let me tell you, you're going to like him!' Rose looked confused, 'But I've only just met him...what do you mean you're 10th self...there can only be one of you...' The Doctor nodded, 'Technically yes, there can be only one of me at any one time, but that doesn't mean that I can't have more than one version of myself over a a longer period of time.' The tall man, or the other Doctor, interrupted, 'I hate to disturb this cosy little catch up, but you introduced someone called Amelia Pond, only there's nobody actually with you...' The Doctor looked round, 'Ah. Yes. I thought she was rather quiet, not like Pond at all...hmm, I forgot about the Autons. Well that can't be good, I suppose we'd better go and rescue her then...this way.' The Doctor charged off again, after a moment's thought the other Doctor charged after him. Not wanting to be left alone, Rose followed the pair of them, totally confused as to what on Earth was going on...


End file.
